


Life's A Beach.

by AgustDTF



Series: No Bodies To Count [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: BDSM, Dacryphilia, Dubious Consent, F/M, FakeHaus, Gore, Hand Jobs, Immortal Fake AH Crew, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Murder Kink, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Power Dynamics, Public Sex, Skull Fucking, Temporary Character Death, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:34:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgustDTF/pseuds/AgustDTF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James gets retribution at the hands of his wife and an accomplice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life's A Beach.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and method of murder fucking derived from BEACH B*TCHES - GTA 5 Gameplay. Thanks Elyse.

Adam wandered into the kitchen where some of the crew had already culminated and was making themselves breakfast, he poured himself a cup of freshly made coffee and leaned against the counter. Elyse and Matt were sat at the breakfast bar opposite him and Elyse was talking through a mouthful of waffles, Lawrence was nodding in acknowledgement from his place in front of the stove. Lawrence turned around with a plate of freshly made waffles and slid them over to Matt, jumping slightly as he noticed Adam had somehow managed to silently skulk into the kitchen behind him.

“Jesus, Adam… Nice of you to join us.” Adam only grunts in reply.

“Yeah, Adam,” Elyse says accusatorily, pointing her fork at him, “We try to have an after heist after party and you just skip out. It’s just plain rude, that’s what it is.” Elyse shoves another forkful of waffles into her mouth and Matt chuckles beside her.

“As drunk as Elyse still is the morning after, she’s not wrong. It doesn’t feel quite right to celebrate without our fearless leader.”

“You can take that up with James then, seeing as it was his fault I was unable to attend.” Adam says, taking a bigger gulp of coffee as he recalls the events of the night before. He sees Lawrence raise an eyebrow out of the corner of his eye as Elyse throws her hands in the air and incoherently bemoans her husband’s antics.

“So what exactly happened?” Adam glances at Lawrence and shrugs, mumbling about James being an asshole.

“That wasn’t an answer, Kovic.” A silence stretches between them unnoticed by the other two occupants of the room.

"He may have killed me or something…” Adam mumbles.

"What was that?” Lawrence steps closer, Adam hunches his shoulders and takes another drink of his coffee instead of replying.

“Kovic, if James did something…”

“I was dead, okay? I wasn’t down here drinking with you guys because James is a fucking freak who choked me to death with his dick and it’s all Haywood’s fault.” The words just fall out of Adam’s mouth, having never dealt with Lawrence’s scrutiny well. 

“He do- did a what?” Elyse splutters, her fork slips out of her hands and clamors onto the floor.

“I knew Haywood was a bad influence but this is…” Lawrence smirks. Adam fixes him with a pointed stare.

“You think this is funny, don’t you? It isn’t funny, Lawrence.”

“No. I don’t think it’s funny, but I do think it’s… something.”

“Amusing?” Matt supplies. Adam turns his stare on Matt.

“Peake, don’t encourage him.” He says, gesturing flippantly to Lawrence. Matt shrugs and goes back to eating his own breakfast, Elyse still processing the situation next to him. She cycles through a few different facial expressions before firmly slapping her hands onto the counter of the breakfast bar with a slightly over-exaggerated serious expression.

“So he just… did… that?””

“Yes.”

“He didn’t even ask permission? That’s not very polite.” Matt snorts at Lawrence’s statement. Adam sighs and rubs his face with his free hand.

“We’re not talking about this.”

“What do you mean we’re not- we have to Adam!” Elyse yells, “James needs to get in trouble for this he needs like… I don’t know.”

“A taste of his own medicine?” Lawrence locks eyes with Elyse and raises his eyebrows. Matt shakes his head and slides off his chair taking his plate with him, mumbling something about _not being an accessory to you guys’ crimes_ as he shuffles out of the kitchen area. Adam glances at him as he goes and then back to his other two crew mates who are both looking at him questioningly, a nervous sick feeling immediately sinking into his lower gut the longer they both look at him.

“I think I’m with Peake on this one, I don’t want to be involved.”

“Do we have our leader’s permission to enact retribution? That’s all we really need from you in this situation.”

“Listen Lawrence, you and Elyse can do whatever you want, I don’t wanna know about it.” Adam pours himself another cup of coffee, foregoing any cream or sugar in favor of rushing to follow after Matt. Elyse reaches down with her foot to retrieve her dropped fork and trade it to Lawrence for a clean one, going back to consuming her waffles before they get soggy. Lawrence walks over to fiddle with the waffle iron, removing his second waffle and onto his plate. He sets his food on the counter opposite Elyse and pauses before eating.

“So, how did you want to go about this?” Elyse smiles in a sickeningly sweet manner at his question.

“Oh, I’ve got a good plan, don’t you worry Law-dawg.”

 

* * *

 

Lawrence and Elyse spent the next few days pretending they still don’t know what James did, waiting for a moment when James would be vulnerable. Elyse kept making jokes about being a lioness stalking a sick herd animal in the Serengeti, Lawrence couldn’t help but correct her that technically if she’s a lioness then they’re stalking a male lion since James is her husband.

It's been four days since they talked to Adam and Elyse is getting impatient. Every time she sees her husband she can’t help but fantasize about what she has planned for him, she loved James dearly but she also loved seeing Lawrence take people down peg, especially when she was the one controlling everything. 

None of the members of the crew are strangers to killing, but for most of them the act of killing was secondary to the crimes they commit, simply a means to an end. Nobody revels in death quite as much as James and herself, and she trumps him in that. Lawrence enjoys the violence and finds pleasure in debauchery of every degree, but he doesn’t like killing people as much as he likes hurting people, there’s a very big difference.

Where Lawrence liked the screams turning into hoarse painful indiscernible exclamations, the squirming as someone he was torturing tried to get away, the contraction of the pupil as fear dawned on someone’s face, Elyse found all of that frustrating after a while. She always waited to show up until after Lawrence had gotten the information out of someone he was interrogating, skipping the long session that would only grate on her nerves and make her anxious as she waited for what she wanted. Instead Lawrence and Elyse always had the arrangement that if the person was disposable or needed to be dead, Elyse would decide how they would die. More often than not she ordered Lawrence to do it for her so that she could better focus on watching their victim go from a scared helpless person to a lifeless shell, only taking the reigns occasionally. Lawrence insisted she was trying to pinpoint some metaphysical concept like how long it took a soul to leave a body or how individual souls affect the blank slate that is a human body; Elyse always shrugs and says she just thinks it’s cool.

 

* * *

 

It’s that weekend that Elyse finally gets an opportunity and decides it’s good enough, although Lawrence will complain about it not being private enough. As an extra treat for their success in a heist they’d been planning for months, Bruce decided they should all go out. There’s a bar in downtown Los Santos, nestled in a neutral part of town where criminals of varying degrees and differing gangs have agreed to be a sort of peace ground where they can spend time socializing and dancing without having to worry about cops or rivalries. Gavin Free invited them out and promised the first few rounds on him “for pulling off a bloody impressive job” he had said to Adam with a wink.

The bar is divided into two sections; the front looks almost like a restaurant with tables and chairs, a small bar, and 2 billiards tables; the basement is much larger with a long bar across the close wall to the right of the entrance, a large dance floor stretches out to a stage area usually occupied by a DJ and occasionally a few brave dancing patrons, couches line half the length of the left side with thin table tops in front for setting your drinks. The most important part of the bar is the V.I.P. rooms to the right on the far side of the dance floor curtained off and restricted by a bouncer who controls who go is allowed in and out through the dark velvet roping that sections the area off. These rooms are Elyse’s opportunity, she knows nobody will bother them and nobody will be any the wiser.

Most of the crew stay uspstairs, but Elyse managed to convince James to come to the basement to dance with her. Lawrence followed behind them knowing what was to come, trailed by Bruce and Omar who actually wanted to dance. After a few shots each, Elyse pulled James onto the dance floor. Despite the fact that James has no reason to see deeper meaning in her actions, Lawrence had still suggested that dancing would make James less suspicious of her intent later on. Elyse wasn’t a patient girl, but she did love dancing, especially with one of her boys. James’ hands grasped at her hips as they gyrated to the music and she smirked to herself. Elyse turned and stood on her tip-toes, going for a kiss. James wrapped his arms more securely around her and lifted her to him. They both smiled through the chaste kiss, but for very different reasons. When James sat her gently back on her feet Elyse clenched her hands in the fabric of James’ shirt and tagged him off of the dance floor. The bouncer knew they were part of one of the most infamous crews in the city and let them through to occupy one of the V.I.P. sitting rooms, disregarding that it was apparent they had plans to fuck back there. People knew better than to try to tell people like them what they can and cannot do, if you try you’re likely to get bullet between the eyes when your higher ups find out you disrespected their loyal and powerful patrons.

When they got behind the curtain Elyse pushes James to sit on the curved couch. Smirking as she situated herself on top of him.

“Is it my birthday or something?” James questioned her.

“James, I hope that you would know if it was your birthday.” Elyse scrunched her nose and feigned concern. James laughed and leaned forward to mouth at her neck.

“Just wondering why you’re definitely about to have sex with me in a public place. Usually the only person in the crew brave enough to indulge my exhibitionism is Lawrence.” Elyse smirked, trying to hold in her laughter at the implication James didn't know he was making.

“Well, we can invite him to join if you want. I’m sure he wouldn’t be opposed.”

James hummed.

“Public sex and a threesome? My lady is so generous.”

“Oooh my god, don’t ‘my lady’ me,” She pushed James mouth away from her neck and slid out of his lap, “I’ll go find Lawrence, I’ll be gone 2 minutes tops I promise.” She said as she disappeared to the other side of the curtain.

“I’ll just get comfortable!” He yelled after her.

Lawrence was easy to spot at the bar, nursing a gin and tonic. Elyse fast walked over and sidled up to the bar next to him, fixing him with an exaggerated flirty stare, smirking all the while.

“Hey there handsome, have we met before?” She said, batting her eyelashes for dramatic effect. Lawrence laughed and put an arm around her waist.

“Are you drunk?”

“Wha- No! I’m just excited.”

Lawrence sipped more of his drink and smiled at her.

“Yeah that’s a word you can use about us killing your husband, I guess.”

Elyse shushed him and glanced around at the other people currently leaned up against the bar.

“Oh yes I’ll just keep quiet because there are probably so many people who frequent this bar who would be shocked or upset by hearing someone plotting to commit murder.” Lawrence huffed. Elyse stuck her tongue out at him and reached up to start playing with one of the buttons on his shirt.

“James is waiting for us. For you, I mean.” At that Lawrence perked up, liking how that sounded.

“I guess we shouldn’t keep him waiting long.”

“I did tell him I’d be gone only a couple minutes.” Elyse shrugged. Lawrence sat down his drink and allowed Elyse to trail him along back into the V.I.P. area. They ducked back into the room occupied by James only to find him with no shirt on and his pants open. His long hard cock stood up against his stomach with his hand wrapped loosely around the shaft, obviously teasing himself with the drawn out strokes. He looks up when they walk in and gives them both a wink. Elyse giggled to herself and Lawrence only rolled his eyes.

“You’re not nearly as charming as you think you are.”

“Oh, but aren’t I?” James said, waggling his eyebrows at the other man. Lawrence turned like he was going to leave. Elyse busting out laughing when James launches himself out of his seat, grabbing onto Lawrence’s sleeve.

“No no no no, don’t go. I’ll be good.” He smiles at Lawrence and gives him his most innocent wide eyed look.

“I know you’ll be good you don’t have to tell me that, because even if you don’t want to be good I’ll make you be good.” Elyse and James both simultaneously bite their bottom lips at Lawrence’s words. James drops to his knees in front of Lawrence in the middle of the room, looking up at him still feigning wide-eyed innocence. Lawrence smirks and grabs James by the hair, tilting his head back.

“This is how this is going to go, alright? You’re going to do whatever I say, and I’m going to do whatever Elyse says.”

Elyse feels her gut clench and her pussy throb. The prospect of control is so appealing and she can’t wait to ruin James via Lawrence’s hands. She takes a deep breath and walks over to sit on the couch where James was previously, instead of being behind Lawrence she’s now to his left and has a much better angle on what’s about to happen. James glances at her and Lawrence tightens his grip on James’ head.

“Don’t look at her. Look at me. She gets to decide what I do with you, but you’re mine for tonight. That means all you need to do is look at me.”

James nods as much as he can and clenches his hands against his thighs. Elyse is breathing very heavily and she can feel her limbs shaking. Lawrence looks to her and raises an eyebrow, waiting for her instruction. She swallows, she’s salivating more than usually at the idea of what’s about to happen, he can only imagine how she’s going to feel when it’s actually happening. She takes a moment to compose herself and then speaks.

“Tell him.”

Lawrence nods and looks down at James, who looks even more excited if that’s even possible.

“We know what you did.”

James’ eyes widen in shock and the color drains from his face.

“What?” He says, earning himself a sharp tug on his hair and his neck bending back as far as it can go.

“Did I say you could speak?” Lawrence asks, his tone unwaveringly firm. James knows it’s a rhetorical question and closes his mouth shut, his back teeth clicking together.

“Adam told us what you did. Told us how you got him to submit to you and then got off inside his corpse's throat.”

It sounds so much worse when Lawrence says it like that, but James guesses it is that bad. He got off on seeing his best friend die— the head of his cock was shoved past Adam’s tonsils, cutting off his air supply, he had fucked into the wet heat while watching intently as Adam choked to death. The worst part is he did it on purpose. He feels bad about it of course, but he also loved it so much, thinking about it again makes his cock twitch against his stomach.

“So, Elyse and I concocted this little plan. One part retribution, two parts Elyse and I getting off on doing the same thing to you. The only detail I don’t have is what exactly Elyse has planned for the two of us this evening. That makes it at least twice as exciting in my opinion.”

Lawrence looks back over to Elyse and smirks at the state she’s in, glad that he can be a part of making her hot under the covers. Her breasts heaving with her breath and her little hands are clenched in her lap, clearly trying to hold off for when they get to the good part, despite the fact she obviously wants to touch herself. When he looks back up to lock eyes with her she nods in acknowledgement.

“I want you to skullfuck him Lawrence.”

Every muscle in James’ body tenses up and despite how horrifying that sounds his cock throbs and his hole clenches around nothing, suddenly desperate to have something inside of him. There’s a really disgusting part of Lawrence that had always wondered what it would be like to do that to someone which jumps for joy in the back of his mind.

“That explains why you asked me to bring a ball gag and a knife. Though I definitely did not anticipate this of all things.” He pulls out the bright blue ball gag first offering it up to James who obediently slides his mouth around it, allowing Lawrence to clasp it behind his head. Lawrence goes to undo his pants and free his cock but thinks better about doing it himself.

“James, get my cock out and then put your hands back on your thighs.”

James reaches up quickly and unbuttons Lawrence’s pants, unzipping the fly and pulling down his boxer brief’s enough to free Lawrence thick cock from the stifling confines. Seeing it makes James’ mouth water, the gag prevents him from swallowing properly causing saliva to gather at the corners of his mouth and he feels a little bit seep out from behind the gag and drip down his chin.

Lawrence slips his hand into his pants and grabs the knife from his thigh holster, brandishing it just to James’ right. Of course James understands the logistics of this whole skullfucking ordeal, but he doesn’t want to think about what exactly Lawrence is about to do to him. What his wife ordered Lawrence to do to him.

“Get on with it.” Elyse says impatiently. She’s started to squirm and press her thighs together, which isn’t helping relieve the pressure of her arousal at all. Nor is it making the wet mess in her panties any better, if anything it’s making it so much worse.

Lawrence lifts the blade to just under James’ right eye and he shuts them on reflex.

“Open your eyes.”

James reluctantly does as he’s told and looks up at Lawrence again, both of them are breathing heavily. Lawrence brings the tip of the knife up, pressing it against the flesh to pull James’ lower eyelid down. James screams behind the gag as the knife cuts into and under his eye sliding further in until Lawrence can leverage it to scoop the now popped and broken flesh out of the bloody hole left in his head. James is crying and through all the pain all he can focus on is how weird it feels to have cold tears sliding down one cheek while the other is bathed in hot blood and oozing liquefied eye. Lawrence drops the knife on the floor and wraps his hand around his still hard cock, pressing the tip against James’ bloodied cheek almost gently only to shove the head into the gaping hole left in James’ face.

James’s stomach lurches inside him as he feels the firm head press against the bones in the back of his eye socket, he grunts and screams more because he can feel a dick against his bones. If this isn’t the most fucked up think James has ever been a part of, he doesn’t know what is.

Lawrence can’t get very much of his dick in, because honestly an orbital cavity is not very deep. It’s enough for his frenulum to catch on the slope of the skull underneath the skin and stimulate him as he fucks forward slowly into the wet warm heat of James’ mutilated flesh. The squelching sounds are helping too, sending shivers up Lawrence’s spine on every in stroke and forcing a deep groan out of him as he pulls out and hears a sickening popping sound. He looks over to Elyse who looks like she wants to get up, like she wants to do something. She feels his gaze on her and they lock eyes again. Her pupils are dilated extremely even for the dim room and he can see her thighs quivering as her hips make little involuntary thrusts into nothing. 

Belatedly, Elyse remembers she’s in charge here and can do whatever she wants. She gets up and walks to the other side of the room, dropping down to kneel behind James. She puts her arms around him and wraps one hand around his barely hard dick and starts stroking. He jumps, tensing up in surprise at her sudden presence behind him. She hears him let out a startled groan as she works him back to full hardness with quick hard strokes.

“The fact that you can get hard right now is so unbelievably gross,” Elyse says shakily into James’ ear, “Fuck, I love you so much.”

Elyse moans, finally shoving her other hand into her loosened shorts, circling her clit in time with the strokes on James’ cock. She peppers chaste kisses against his bare shoulders as she watches the head of Lawrence’s cock disappear into and reappear from the bloody orifice where James’ eye used to be.

James is groaning louder now pressing his hips forward into her hand. The shock and the intensity of the situation bringing him closer to orgasm much faster than one should be able to get to when they are literally being skullfucked. He sobs and his head swims, cum spurts from his cock and onto his chest, the last bit dripping down onto Elyse’s hand. Which she brings up to her mouth and licks off.

“God damn it Elyse, that is so hot,” Lawrence moans, clenching his teeth as he too cums. His cum mixing with the fluids still oozing from the bloody fuck hole he made in James’ face. As Lawrence backs away Elyse grabs at the knife on the ground and pierces James’ brain through the already open wound, killing him in an instant. James’ body falls to the side as Elyse desperately chases her orgasm. Lawrence drops down in front of her and pulls her hand out of her shorts. She whines in protest and then gasps as Lawrence slips his hand in instead and presses his middle and ring fingers into her wet pussy and rocks his thumb against her clit. Elyse leans forward and sinks her teeth into Lawrence’s neck as she cums all over his hand, shaking as he continues to finger her through her orgasm. Elyse lets out a pained sound and pushes his hand out and away. She takes a few deep breaths and she leans her forehead against his shoulder.

Lawrence hums and kisses the top of Elyse head, running his clean hand through her long hair.

Elyse’s shoulders shake as she starts laughing, muffled against Lawrence’s shirt.

 

* * *

 

James wakes up in a brightly lit room some hours later; he’s in a bed and when he looks up he sees Lawrence sat at a desk typing away on a keyboard, he looks down and there’s Elyse curled against his left side with her phone in hand. James makes some weird noises as he tries to speak, alerting Lawrence and Elyse to his awake state. James and Elyse sit up as Lawrence closes the lid of his laptop and walks over to the bed.

“How did you get me home?” Lawrence crosses his arms at James’ question.

“After all of that, that’s what you have to say first and foremost?”

Elyse grabs at James’ face and waves her hand in front of his eyes.

“You can see okay, right?”

“Yeah, I can see fine.” James answers in a flippant manner, mumbling _no thanks to you guys_ under his breath.

“But can you see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch?” Elyse counters. James scoffs and Lawrence chuckles.

“To answer your question, I carried you out of the bar and then held you against me while we were in the cab. It was dark and nobody could really see anything, especially with your face against my shoulder.” Lawrence shrugs.

“Aww you carried me. That’s romantic.” James jokes and Elyse devolves into more giggles.

“Glad your eye repaired well. I was worried about it, I’ll admit.”

“Oh good, he feels remorse for scraping my eyeball out of my head,” he rolls his eyes for emphasis, “This whole immortal business doesn’t half ass anything, Larr, you should know that.”

“In my defense, it was Elyse’s idea.”

“That is very true.”

Elyse gasps as James turns his attention on her and wrestled her into his arms. She eventually devolves into hysterics as James kisses her everywhere he can reach. Lawrence watches them and reflects for a moment on how completely absurd his life is. A hand wraps around his wrist and pulls him into bed with the married couple and lets go only for the arm to go around his lower back and pull him against James’ side. A pair of lips meet his as James kisses him deeply and then pulls back to smiles at him.

“You’re a lot more cooperative than wiggle shorts over here.” James gestures toward Elyse with his head and then rests it on Lawrence’s shoulder as they all three lay in the bed together, “Fuck you both for doing that shit, that was so much worse than what I did to Adam.”

“Reality is subjective, James.” Lawrence sighs and James mocks him repeating the phrase _reality is subjective_ back to him in a pitched, slurred voice. Lawrence leans over to pick up his phone of the side table and turn off the overhead lights leaving the room dark.

“Again, fuck you, both of you. I love and appreciate both of you not only as people, but also for your creativity and commitment. Still, you’re total douche bags.”

Elyse laughs more and Lawrence rolls his eyes and yawns.

“Whaaateverrrrrr.” Elyse says sleepily, turning away from James. Lawrence shoves at James’ shoulder as James wraps his arms around Lawrence from behind.

“We love you too, James, even if you are also a ‘total douche’.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated!
> 
> Full Disclosure: This piece is for public consumption; feel free to share it with credit to the author.


End file.
